How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
