how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
