oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
