This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
