I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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