omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sober January is a disaster.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
