Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize