Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We got so high we made milksteak
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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