he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
