Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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