k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
