He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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