you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
