Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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