I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
