You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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