oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
