I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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