i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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