absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
