jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
