Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
