Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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