i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
