Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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