that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
