Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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