these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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