I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
