I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
