my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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