oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize