It's like God shit irony all over that family
This house was built for laser tag.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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