I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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