He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
