I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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