Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
