You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
