OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
