So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
