I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
