Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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