Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
