remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
