just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
