I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
