I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
