I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
