How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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