You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you never un-have a 4some
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
