They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
