3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
