When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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