my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
