I want to make a zoo with you.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
