where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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