the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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