How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
