Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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