also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
