"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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