I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
