it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
