Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
