so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
