God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
