sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
