I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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