Swine flu. Run for my life!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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